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Posts Tagged ‘husband’

Find Your Husband Here!

We have all heard of Mail-Order-Brides.  Have you ever heard of  Mail Order Husbands? 

I stumbled across a website, just for ladies looking for Mr. Right.  Here are some of my favorites:

 

 

 

Name: Steven
I’m definitely a classic romantic. I like a candlelight dinner, some quiet background music, and a couple hits of ether. I prefer a woman that has insurance and a car would be great as I need to make the occassional trip to Mexico to pick up “souvenirs”.

 

 

 

Name: Earl
I deal in reality…and the reality is that I’m ready for love. I can chop lots of wood and can even climb a greased pole. I keep in shape by chasing chickens around my back yard. I keep my self clean and take baths weekly.
Location: West Virginia, U.S.A

 

 

 

Name: Fuad
Ladies, I’m still available. I’ve been here for about 2 years. what gives? Don’t ya wanna party with me? woohoo… They lowered my price twice already. I’m a red-hot special, come and get me.
Location: San Bernardino, USA

The link to find more of these special guys, is: http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order 

Best of luck,

Al

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I received a letter the other day. It was from my wife.

I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to write long letters to your spouse when you have an issue, but I’m not a big fan of it. I’ve always appreciated the direct, verbal route. Perhaps this is one of the issues she (and other people) have with me at times.

Regardless, a written response has been requested. Why in writing? Only she and her “life coach” know for sure.

 So, in a supportive (but not overally thrilled) way, I have tried to draft a response the last couple of days.  What women fail to understand at times, is that putting a man’s feelings into words is not the simplest of tasks.  I’ve been through several drafts, and I can feel the clock continue to tick as my response is being waited upon. 

Am I wrong to assume that my every word will be scrutized by my wife and her Life Coach? 

And……….how do I address analogies, such as “a marriage is like tending a garden”?  Shall I own up to pulling all the weeds, without knowing which ones are really flowers?  

I don’t know.  I’m simple-minded, and need more direct feedback. 

In all fairness, I’m not the easiest guy to be married to.  I’m on the temperamental side, addicted to sports at the expense of other wife related activities, and have had an off & on relationship with Nicotine over the years (currently its ON, which is one of the issues).

My parents divorced when I was a kid, so I never had the best of role models when it comes to marriage.  But, that’s no excuse.  During the course of (almost) 15 years of marriage, it hasn’t been easy to keep my wife happy with me or our marriage all the time.  It appears that I’m in the middle of one of those down cycles.

Unfortunately, I’m not bright enough to see these marriage cycles coming ahead of time (and yes, I’m assuming this is just a phase in marriage we will overcome).   So, I’ll write the letter and profess my love.  I’ll apologize for whatever I have done to offend, and try to figure out how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  That’s always the tough part.

Of course, all of this is coming down the week before Valentine’s day.  I better get this one right……..or it’s gonna be a little cold on the 14th.

-Al

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As you may recall from an earlier post, my wife has been on a big “Couple’s” class kick.  We attended a movie / seminar called Fireproof, about 6 weeks ago.  Since that time, we have been attending a couples gathering once a week to review the movie.  This class (listed under the guise of a couples get-together) has spent the last 5 sessions reviewing individual sections of the movie and answering questions found within a “Fireproofing Your Marriage Workbook”. 

 

Now, I have to admitted that the movie was  a great idea.  I went into it begrudgingly, but found it to be a very good investment in our marriage.  Having said that, I’m starting to go through a slow death. In short, the group gatherings on this same topic are starting to wear on me.

 

Last night, I was called upon by our group “leader” to explain what things my wife does that I feel are “disrespectful” to me.  The second question I was asked later in the evening, was “what things my wife could do better in our marriage to support me”. 

 

We have a pretty strong marriage.  But no man could answer these questions even half-honestly without getting into trouble.

 

I also have to admit, that we have been at this church for only a few months.  I barely know these people, so I’m not real comfortable letting them into our lives yet.   My wife, however, is a social butterfly and doesn’t mind at all.  And of course, in a group like this, there is always one or two people who won’t let you off the hook with an easy answer.

 

Needless to say, my answers did not cut the mustard.  Upon answering the second question, my wife chimed in and told everyone that I should share what I really think —and that was OK with her.

 

So I went on to explain  that my wife’s interrupting and correcting me when I speak to people was both disrespectful to me and something she could improve on for the betterment of our marriage. 

 

This was an honest answer, stated as nicely as I could.

 

On our drive home, it was very quiet.  I asked my wife what she was thinking.  Her first statement was: “it bothers me that you think I am disrespecting you, when you need to be corrected.  When you are wrong, I think I should tell you”. 

 

Can you guess where this conversation headed?  I certainly didn’t feel “fireproof” during the following 30 minutes of discussion.

 

 Is it just my ego that I don’t like being corrected by my wife in front of other people? My feeling has been that she can always discuss it with me later. After all, just because someone has a different point of view it doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. Right?

 

To be fair, this is something that I had to work on at the beginning of our marriage.  It went hand-in-hand with trying to “fix everything”.  Sometimes our spouses want us to just listen and be supportive……and not turn into Mr. Fix it.  The same is said about “correcting” them.  My job as Husband is not to “correct my wife”.  The children are a different story, however.

 

So as we launch into the last 2 weeks of these couples evenings, I have to ask myself if it has been helpful or not.  As I said, I got a ton out of the movie.  But the weekly couples meetings ………….not so much. 

 

Regardless, this will soon be over and March 14th is quickly approaching.  This is when I get to spend a full day with my wife at a Couples Seminar located at my old University. 

 

Will somebody please take me out of my misery, and just shoot me………..

 

-Al

 

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1.      I think that the things I learn about other people never stop to surprise me.  Case in point?  Sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer served as a sniper in Israel during the 1940’s.  As a teenager, she was a member of the Israeli underground, and was considered an expert marksman and grenade thrower.
 

I wonder how she made the jump from this to sex therapist?  She must have had one heck of a career councilor.

 

2.      I think that having a family is a little like having a bowling alley in your head.  It doesn’t matter if the ball goes into the gutter, or hits all of the pins; each is associated with some degree of noise.


I never realized how loud a little girl could scream.  I didn’t have sister, so when Kelley was born I had a steep learning curve (which I’m still going through).  My 6 year old screams when she’s playing with her friends out of joy, she screams when she doesn’t get her way, and she screams just to scream at times (but she is growing out of that phase).
 

As I tell my friends, she has no OFF button. She’s always going 100 miles an hour, and usually the leader of the pack – for better or worse.  Her poor older brother doesn’t stand a chance when she is in room.  She always demands all the attention, and if allowed, will chatter on forever with relatives or family friends. 

           And I thought the boy would be the loud one…….

 

Despite the noise, I think having a daughter is an experience I wouldn’t have traded in for the world. It’s so much different that having a son.  I never thought that anyone could get me to play “tea” or dress up a doll until she came into the world.

 

So despite the noise and accompanying headaches, I think I bowled a strike. 


 

3.      The month of March marks the 10th anniversary of the tanker accident involving the Exxon Valdez, in Alaska’s Prince William Sound.  It is also the 20th anniversary of the partial core meltdown of a reactor at the Three Mile Island Nuclear Plant. 


I think I’m a little concerned about what horrific event will occur this March, to keep this trend going. Will it be a total meltdown of the financial markets, the bankruptcy of 1 or 2 of the American auto manufactures, or will the site Dad.Blogs go down again?


 

4.      This month also celebrates the 50th Anniversary of the Barbie Doll. To Celebrate, Delegate Jeff Eldridge wants to ban the sale of Barbie Dolls in the state of West Virginia.  Why? Because Barbie’s influence girls to place undue importance on physical beauty to the detriment of their intellectual or emotional development (his words – not mine). The bill is currently in the House Judiciary Committee.  http://www.wvpubcast.org/newsarticle.aspx?id=8458
 

Now…….. I’m not a big fan of Barbie Dolls. I do get his point to a certain degree. However, I think this is another case of our state representatives not staying focused on what’s important right now.  Did the residents of West Virginia elect this guy to worry about Barbie Dolls, or the state’s financial issues?

 

 

5.      To spank, or not so Spank. In a Research Paper by Burton White (PhD in Child Behavior), he states that in “The First Three Years of Life, There is no evidence that children who have been spanked when they are young become either aggressive older children or abusive parents”.      An article, found at   http://www.crosswalk.com/parenting/11599466/ , outlines this research and conflicting data as well.

 

I was raised by a fairly heavy handed father.  Both my brother and I grew up unscathed and as relatively normal adults.  Therefore, I have first had knowledge of one end of the spectrum. 

 

As you would guess, my wife grew up on the other end.  Our approach has been heavily tilted toward “time-outs” and taking away privileges.  When all else fails, a spanking is the next and last line of discipline.  And, as much as some of you may not like it, it works with our kids.

 

I think I would be interested to know what side of the spanking fence our bloggers fall on.

 

 

6.      They say that marriages are made in heaven.  Well, so is Thunder and Lightning.
 

I think I am very fortunate to have found a woman who shares my values, and continues to work to make our marriage strong.  That said, we run into rough patches like everyone else.
 

I think that after 12 years of marriage, I almost get it.  You enter marriage not for what you can get, but for what you can give.  That’s the meaning of real love in a relationship. 

 

I am not her husband so I can fix her problems, but so I can support her. This allows us to raise our children as a team.   It took me a long time to get that.

 

 I think that Peggy is definitely the Lightning which sets off my Thunder.


 

7.      You may have noticed that I really enjoy reading the blogs of people who are different than me.  I may not always agree, but it is endlessly interesting to me.  I came across a post this week, which really slapped me upside the head – — as in, I had no idea that this was an issue. 
 

I think you should take a moment today, and go to:  http://www.makesmewannaholler.com/2009/03/my-piano-keys-her-mom-is-not-white.html

 

I got an education from reading this, and the blog “Makes Me Wanna Holler” got a new fan. 

 

 

 

In think that’s it, for this volume of Seven Things I Think I Think.

 

 

 

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On my blog last week, I whined about my wife’s current interest in “Couple’s Classes” (see the entry: Seven Things I Think  – Vol 3).  On Friday evening, we went to a movie event targeted at couples. 

All I can say is……..When I’m wrong, I’m really wrong.  This was really worth the time spent.

 

 Along with approximately 30 other couples, we watched a movie called “Fireproof”.  It’s the story of a firefighter who lives by the old fire-fighter’s adage: Never leave your partner behind.  Unfortunately, this strong held belief does not pertain to his marriage.

 

fireproof1

 

In addition to the “Backdraft” type movie action; the story outlines the failing marriage of the fire chief and his wife.  Neither one understands the pressures the other faces.  Much like myself a number of years ago, he believes that his wife is too sensitive and doesn’t show him the respect he deserves.

 

The wife claims that he is insensitive and that he “doesn’t listen” to her.  Sound familiar???  It hit home with me.

 

The path he takes to save his marriage is at the heart of the movie.  I can’t recommend it enough.  My wife and I have been talking about this movie all week. 

 

If you want to do something special for your wife for Valentines day, rent this movie and watch it with her.  I guarantee that it will change the way you think of your relationship with your wife. 

 Happy Valentine’s Day – Al

 fireproof-2

 

 

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I have a secret. 
One which I have kept from my closet friends for almost 2 years now.  But it’s time to admit it………

I belong to a ….. Gourmet Dinner Club (gasp!). 

The reason my wife and I joined a dinner club, had something to do with the welfare of my marriage or my general safety — I can’t remember exactly what she said to me a the time.

All that I CAN remember was that we apparently weren’t spending enough time with other couples.  We needed to “get out” more. 

So “get out” we did.

There is apparently some joy to meeting new people over a course of Oyster & Brie soup, that I was unaware of.  After all, I’m happy with Red Hook Beer and a steak with my family.  I never realized that I was missing anything.

So with a deep desire to be a good husband, and a personal fear of what I was going to be forced to eat, my wife and I joined a Gourmet Dinner Club.  After 2 years of meeting every other month for dinner with our group, I have made a few observations.  In no particular order, my observations about Gourment Dinner Clubs are:

1) Each dinner seems to include drinking 3-4 bottles of wine, which makes almost anything taste OK to me (exceptions include Escargot and squid).

2) You get to learn new terms, such as:
            a) FARCE: A French expression for stuffing, as in “honey, don’t farce your face at the table”. 
            b) DRIVEL:  The inedible secretions of snails.
            c) PEMMICAN: A Cree Indian word, which roughly translated means “the least food with the greatest nourishment”.  I refer to it as Trail Mix.
            d) FIASCO: A round bottomed Italian bottle
                                   (or as I refer to it………….. my Mother in Law)
            e) RECIPE: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat
             f) TONGUE: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

3) Third, there seems to be a requirement for bragging about the successes of your children in sports and school.  No Gourmet Dinner Parent I have ever met has: (a) ever had a child struggle in school, and (b) never had a child that didn’t lead his/her youth soccer/baseball/volleyball/football team in scoring.  

4) Interestingly, 60% of all Gourmet Dinner parents claim to have at least one (1) “Gifted” child.

5) No one will admit that anything prepared for the dinner is unfit for eating. It doesn’t matter how burnt or bizarre the course is, it is always “wonderful”.

6)  The amount of dishes left for you to wash after a Gourmet Dinner Club event in your home, surpasses even Christmas and Thanksgiving.  Since the husband rarely cooks anything for the Gourmet Dinner, the dishes are delegated to him by his better half.   

In summary, the only thing that stops me from shooting myself in order to avoid participating in another Gourmet Dinner, is my wife.   She doesn’t know exactly how silly I think this whole gastronomic misadventure is; but she clearly knows that its not my favorite thing to do on a Saturday night. 

For that reason, I don’t fuss or complain.  I get extra brownie points for being a good husband and doing something that is not my thing.  Instead, I just asked for another glass of wine, and pretend that the Oyster floating in the middle of my soup is really an over-sized Buffalo Wing.

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These are my random thoughts for this week:

1) Did you see the news report, that Ty Inc has released 12 inch plush dolls modeled after Sasha and Malia Obama? Are you kidding me? I think the toy manufacturer is crossing the line, and is taking advantage of these children.  It doesn’t matter who their parents are, this is ethically wrong.  Needless to say, the First Lady is not pleased.

malia-and-sahsa

 

 

 

2) I think that President Obama has made an interesting point.  In his inaugural speech, he stated that Parenting is a Public Service.  If I correctly understand him, he’s saying good parenting is essential for the health of our country.  This is a concept that intrigues me. Why? I never thought of parenting as a public service, rather a very personal one.  Is his statement similar, or in support of, Hilary Clinton’s “It Takes a Village” book / concept?  Or is there another point he is trying to make?
I think he needs to clarify this further in the near future.

3) I think that the Monster Truck Deaths which have occurred in the last month are inexcusable.  Did you read where a 6 year old boy died in Tacoma Washington, from debris that came off one of the trucks? Last weekend, a promoter was run over by one of the trucks in Wisconsin during an event.  What is the point of having these events in the first place?  Is it because I don’t live in a trailer park, that I don’t get it?
I think Monster Truck events need to be banned, or heavily regulated by the government.

4) I think that parents can now give themselves permission to say “no” to there children, and stop spoiling them (me included). In the back of all our minds, we all know that overindulging children can cause behavioral issue in the future.  But, it is sooooooooo hard to tell your pleading 6 year old girl that she can’t have the Sasha Obama doll she just walked by in the store.  I believe that its time to stop sheltering our children, and let them know that money’s tight right now.  It’s the right thing to do, for your finances and your children.

5) I think you need to check out the “New-Dad-Blog” (see link under Blogs I Visit), if you haven’t already.  Even if you aren’t a “new” Dad, this Blog will take you back to what it was like.  He and his wife are slowly coming up on the Big Day.  Check it out, its worth a read.  

6) This week, Caterpiller, Pfizer, Sprint, Home Depot and GM announced layoffs.  I think our Congress needs to stop bickering, put in some overtime, and get a stimulus bill to the President asap.  The longer they waffle, the worse its going to get.

7) I think this guy needs to be locked away for a long, long time:  Jeramey Sheeler of Vaughn Montana faces charges of leaving his 4 year old daughter in his car for hours in 14 degree weather.  The worst part is, that he was inside a house, with a 13 year old girl until 2am (alone) while his 4 year old was outside in the car. He was  charged with feloney criminal indangerment AND a misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernal (yes, to top it off he is into drugs). Link –

http://www.greatfallstribune.com/article/20081223/NEWS01/812230310

 

I think that’s it for this addition of “Seven Things I Think I Think”

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