Ten Things To Teach My Son

My son recently turned ten years old.  Shortly after his birthday, I started to think about what I needed to teach him before he gets much older. What kind of wisdom should I share with my son, to get him ready for his teenage & adulthood years?

I thought about the things my father taught me, and what I wished he would have taken the time to share with me when I was young.  The result is a list which includes some of my father’s wisdom, and a number of things I had to figure out on my own.

The most important things I still need to teach my son, are:

• Choose your friends wisely.   Just like an elevator button, they can take you down or up.
• Nobody knows what you are thinking, unless you tell them.  People can’t read your mind. This includes your teacher, coach, future spouse or friends.
• Know “wrong” is wrong, even when everyone else thinks otherwise.



• Your glass is always half-full.  Stay positive in all aspects of your life.
• Failure is a part of learning.  If you are afraid to fail, you will never succeed.
• What is your plan? You will never get anywhere, or achieve anything, without knowing your goals and how to achieve them.
• Never underestimate your fertility.  Not now, not when you go to college, not even after you are married.  

• Marriage is the starting line, not the finish line.  All the really hard work starts after “I do”.
• Your financial status means very little, in the grand scheme of things.
• Never say to your daughter, “Don’t Tell Mommy” –about something that you did wrong (or wasn’t supposed to do in the first place). The pain from your mistake will only double as a result.

Have I missed something you would include?  Please leave a comment and let me know.

-Al

Hot Dog! Another Government Regulation Coming!

I am sure you read about the 13-year-old San Pedro boy who choked on a hot dog during a fundraiser for Haitian earthquake victims this month.  Apparently, the children were taking part in a hot dog eating game as apart of the fundraiser.  Organizers stated that this was not a speed eating contest.

I’m not sure what other contest you can have with hot dogs, but we will take them at their word.

The fallout can be seen all over the web.  The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is calling for a redesign of foods such as hot dogs and candies, along with new warning labels, to reduce the chances of children choking.    The AAP is also asking the Food and Drug Administration to establish a nationwide food-related choking reporting system and to recall foods linked with choking. The group also stated that redesigning the shape of foods will make them safer. 

Reportedly, 61 deaths a year in the united states are due to choking on hot dogs or gum by children under the age of 14.

According to the Child Trends Database Organization, there are 73.7 million children in America as of 2006.  Therefore, .00002% of children in the United States die from choking on a Hot Dog each year. Or, 1 out of every 4.6 million children.

Don’t get me wrong, my heart goes out to the parents of these child choking victims.  However, do we really need to form a new government agency to establish a “choking reporting system”.  Keep in mind, we are talking about a percentage of .00002%.  

And who is going to determine the correct shape of a hot dog?  How many millions of dollars will this cost us?

In a manner that is purely American:  We are playing the role of the victim and asking our government to regulate us.  Apparently we aren’t smart enough to be left to our own good judgement.

At what point does common sense kick in?  Do we really need more labels or a government agency to tell us that certain foods are choke hazards for children? At what point are we, as parents, taking responsibility for the safety of our kids?

If this over regulation occurs, then what next?  

I’ll tell you what comes next———-

The Kansas City Royals are being sued after mascot Sluggerrr allegedly poked a fan’s eye out with a hot dog, TMZ is reporting.  According to TMZ’ report, the lawsuit was filed in Jackson County court by John Coomer, who claims the accident happened at a game on September 8, 2009. Sluggerrr was firing hot dogs into the crowd via his air gun!

That’s right……..with an air gun.

I assume that a new law will be put in place, banning the use of air guns to shoot hot dogs. Who’s stupid idea was this?

Again, common sense and good judgement seem to be a dieing commodity. 

Let’s give the American Hot Dog a break, and take responsibility for our own actions (or lack thereof).

-Al

I am my Father’s Son

Recently, a study was released by the OECD (The Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development) which correlated the earnings of men to their fathers.  Without getting lost in all the analysis from the report, a discovery has been made which shows that a man’s income is more closely tied to his fathers income level within the United States and Great Britain.

 In the United States, we are brought up to believe that we can achieve anything (Position, Salary, etc) with nothing more than  hard work.  This report challenges this basic belief.

Our parents financial well-being is a bigger influence on our success or financial failure as adults than any other factor.  Looking back on my childhood, I remember seeing my father as the hard-working professional who’s primary goal was career success.  My goal was to be as successful as he was, both professionally and in college.

The analysis points out, that there is a high correlation for our financial success when we grow up in a better educated family, and a corresponding penalty when growing up in a less-educated family.  This is most prevalent in England, Italy and the United States.  Further, a father’s educational level is a primary motivator to his children’s academic success within secondary education.

In other words, my father was a role model for me as it relates to education and financial stability.  Those who did not have that strong role model, found it difficult to achieve financial success greater than their fathers’.

The end result for those of us in the United States, is that we live in a less financially mobile society then we were brought up to believe. 

There are those who achieve financial success from humble beginnings.  However, they are much fewer in numbers (within the USA, Italy and England) than societies with weaker educational standards (Norway, Finland, etc).  Certainly, much fewer than I previously believed.

As a Husband and Father, I am constantly reminded that I am a role model for my children.  I alway believed that this related to my morals and values.  These findings expand that scope even larger. 

In summary, I am my Father’s Son………..just like my boy will be.

For the full details of this report, please go to:  http://www.oecd.org/dataoecd/17/42/44566315.pdf

-Al

Find Your Husband Here!

We have all heard of Mail-Order-Brides.  Have you ever heard of  Mail Order Husbands? 

I stumbled across a website, just for ladies looking for Mr. Right.  Here are some of my favorites:

 

 

 

Name: Steven
I’m definitely a classic romantic. I like a candlelight dinner, some quiet background music, and a couple hits of ether. I prefer a woman that has insurance and a car would be great as I need to make the occassional trip to Mexico to pick up “souvenirs”.

 

 

 

Name: Earl
I deal in reality…and the reality is that I’m ready for love. I can chop lots of wood and can even climb a greased pole. I keep in shape by chasing chickens around my back yard. I keep my self clean and take baths weekly.
Location: West Virginia, U.S.A

 

 

 

Name: Fuad
Ladies, I’m still available. I’ve been here for about 2 years. what gives? Don’t ya wanna party with me? woohoo… They lowered my price twice already. I’m a red-hot special, come and get me.
Location: San Bernardino, USA

The link to find more of these special guys, is: http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order 

Best of luck,

Al

I am NOT Fireproof

I received a letter the other day. It was from my wife.

I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to write long letters to your spouse when you have an issue, but I’m not a big fan of it. I’ve always appreciated the direct, verbal route. Perhaps this is one of the issues she (and other people) have with me at times.

Regardless, a written response has been requested. Why in writing? Only she and her ”life coach” know for sure.

 So, in a supportive (but not overally thrilled) way, I have tried to draft a response the last couple of days.  What women fail to understand at times, is that putting a man’s feelings into words is not the simplest of tasks.  I’ve been through several drafts, and I can feel the clock continue to tick as my response is being waited upon. 

Am I wrong to assume that my every word will be scrutized by my wife and her Life Coach? 

And……….how do I address analogies, such as “a marriage is like tending a garden”?  Shall I own up to pulling all the weeds, without knowing which ones are really flowers?  

I don’t know.  I’m simple-minded, and need more direct feedback. 

In all fairness, I’m not the easiest guy to be married to.  I’m on the temperamental side, addicted to sports at the expense of other wife related activities, and have had an off & on relationship with Nicotine over the years (currently its ON, which is one of the issues).

My parents divorced when I was a kid, so I never had the best of role models when it comes to marriage.  But, that’s no excuse.  During the course of (almost) 15 years of marriage, it hasn’t been easy to keep my wife happy with me or our marriage all the time.  It appears that I’m in the middle of one of those down cycles.

Unfortunately, I’m not bright enough to see these marriage cycles coming ahead of time (and yes, I’m assuming this is just a phase in marriage we will overcome).   So, I’ll write the letter and profess my love.  I’ll apologize for whatever I have done to offend, and try to figure out how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  That’s always the tough part.

Of course, all of this is coming down the week before Valentine’s day.  I better get this one right……..or it’s gonna be a little cold on the 14th.

-Al

My Wife – A Cleaning Machine

My wife maintains an extremely clean household. Some, not me of course, might use the word Anal to describe  her cleaning habits. 

I must admit, that it is always nice to come home to a neat and organized house.  Opposites definitely attract, and I need someone who can make up for my messy husband tendencies.

On the negative side, my wife has problems dealing with children being messy children;  and a dog who has a total disregard for the towel she leaves at the back door for him to wipe his feet with (If she can teach our dog to wipe his feet when he comes in from the great outdoors, I will truly be impressed).

Over the years I have learned, that cleaning the house while your kids are growing up is like shoveling the driveway before it stops snowing.  You put a lot of hard work into it, but in the end it makes little difference.

No sooner is my wife done cleaning the upstairs of our home,when Kelly the hurricane comes in through  the front door.  It’s amazing how quickly a 7-year-old can totally trash a bedroom or play room without giving it a second thought.  This, of course, gives my wife conniption fits. 

She also does not care for me watching collage football while she is picking up around the house.  I’m sure many married guys know what I mean————you get that uneasy feeling while watching  a game, that your wife is growing more and more unhappy with you.  You sense it, but can’t bear to tear yourself away from the game.

Many an evening is spent listening to her frustrations about keeping the house clean, and our (kids and myself) disregard for how hard she works to maintain it. 

This usually results me trying to help out a little more.  I tend to stick to my favorite chores when helping her.  For example: my second favorite chore is folding the laundry. My favorite is banging my head against my sons top bunk bed until I pass out.

 At some point we will have to decide if we want to live in a cold museum, or a fun & somewhat messier home.  I’m just not sure how to get my wife to let go of the excessive cleaning.  I am fairly sure, that the other members of the home will not meet her high standards in the near future.  Therefore, we have a future melt down coming in the household.  Something will have to give.

I just hope it’s not my TV time, during the collage bowl season.

-Al

Seven Things I Think I Think (vol 8)

1. I Think Getting Back to work this week, was the best thing for my Marriage.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife.  But after taking the week of Christmas off, I’m ready for some normal sanity in my day-to-day life.  What’s up with all the stress that comes with Christmas for some people?  The minute one activity ends, we need to start cleaning and “gearing up” for the next influx of relatives who are coming over to spoil my kids.
   Can’t we all just relax and not worry about it?  Apparently…………No. So I’m back at work today, before my wife decides to stuff me in a Christmas Stocking. 
    
2. Why is it that so many people are upset with Health Care Reform, but nobody knows what it includes?  I’m all for Universal Health Care, but………shouldn’t Obama clearly tell us what it entails?  I think our dear President needs to take a lesson from former President Reagan.  Remember all those corny graphs and charts he showed the American people during his public addresses from the White House?  They were corny, but at least I knew what the hell he was talking about.
    
3. Have I ever mentioned that my 10 year old son plays Select Soccer?  I was a very proud father, when I learned that he made the “A” team as the starting Striker (that’s a “Forward”, for non-soccer geeks).  I think my level of enthusiasm has been greatly damaged, with the knowledge that I have now received the honor of paying $2,100.00 for my son to play on this team. 
    
   I Think the amount of money parents have to pay for our kids to play sports has gotten way out of hand.  Granted, his team starts practice in January with the season not ending until November. But $2,100 for a 10 year old to play soccer?I Think I am going to need a second job, if the cost goes up every year.
    
4. Our little girl recently joined the Girl Scouts.  She is about as happy as a 7 year old can be, because she gets to spend time with all her girlfriends.   Not having a sister, I knew nothing about the Girl Scouts. She going to be in a parade later this spring, and has spent time planting little trees at the park.  In other words, lot’s of fun stuff for 1st graders to do.
    
   Much to my surprise, I recently learned that I get to be involved as well.  As it turns out, there is a Daddy and Daughter Dance in January.  Never heard of such a thing, until now.
    
   I Think I am going to take this opportunity to teach my little girl how she is supposed to be treated by  a young man.  Call it my first step in teaching her what to look for in a nice guy.  
    
   I plan on wearing a suit, taking her out for a nice (and fun) dinner, and fully participating in all the dancing that is required.
    
5. I finally joined Facebook.  The result has been an absolute blast, due to all the old High School and College friends I’m finding.  The funny part is, I found my old Collage sweet heart. I tried for several years to convince her to marry me while in school — with no luck. 
   Although I am much better off (and happier) for marrying Peg, I always wondered why it never worked out with my old sweetie.  Why wouldn’t she want to marry such a wonderful guy as me? 
    
   Thanks to Facebook, I finally found out why.  Turns out……….. she’s gay.
    
   It’s embarrassing to admit, but I Think I am strangely relieved to find out she’s gay and has a long term partner.
    
6. I stumbled upon a blog recently, that you have to check out.  It’s written by a very cleaver Nun in California.  I’m not Catholic by any stretch of the imagination, but I find her wit to be a lot of fun to read.  Check her out at:  http://asksistermarymartha.blogspot.com/
    
7. Are you as tired of the Tiger Woods news as I am?  Or are you revealing in his poor judgment? 
    
   I Think that it doesn’t matter how much fame you have, how rich or how poor your are………there is no discriminating when it comes to a persons lack of good judgment and common sense.

 That’s all for this addition, of Seven Things I Think I Think. 

Have fun celebrating the New Year!

 -Al

Am I Fireproof Yet?

 

As you may recall from an earlier post, my wife has been on a big “Couple’s” class kick.  We attended a movie / seminar called Fireproof, about 6 weeks ago.  Since that time, we have been attending a couples gathering once a week to review the movie.  This class (listed under the guise of a couples get-together) has spent the last 5 sessions reviewing individual sections of the movie and answering questions found within a “Fireproofing Your Marriage Workbook”. 

 

Now, I have to admitted that the movie was  a great idea.  I went into it begrudgingly, but found it to be a very good investment in our marriage.  Having said that, I’m starting to go through a slow death. In short, the group gatherings on this same topic are starting to wear on me.

 

Last night, I was called upon by our group “leader” to explain what things my wife does that I feel are “disrespectful” to me.  The second question I was asked later in the evening, was “what things my wife could do better in our marriage to support me”. 

 

We have a pretty strong marriage.  But no man could answer these questions even half-honestly without getting into trouble.

 

I also have to admit, that we have been at this church for only a few months.  I barely know these people, so I’m not real comfortable letting them into our lives yet.   My wife, however, is a social butterfly and doesn’t mind at all.  And of course, in a group like this, there is always one or two people who won’t let you off the hook with an easy answer.

 

Needless to say, my answers did not cut the mustard.  Upon answering the second question, my wife chimed in and told everyone that I should share what I really think —and that was OK with her.

 

So I went on to explain  that my wife’s interrupting and correcting me when I speak to people was both disrespectful to me and something she could improve on for the betterment of our marriage. 

 

This was an honest answer, stated as nicely as I could.

 

On our drive home, it was very quiet.  I asked my wife what she was thinking.  Her first statement was: “it bothers me that you think I am disrespecting you, when you need to be corrected.  When you are wrong, I think I should tell you”. 

 

Can you guess where this conversation headed?  I certainly didn’t feel “fireproof” during the following 30 minutes of discussion.

 

 Is it just my ego that I don’t like being corrected by my wife in front of other people? My feeling has been that she can always discuss it with me later. After all, just because someone has a different point of view it doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. Right?

 

To be fair, this is something that I had to work on at the beginning of our marriage.  It went hand-in-hand with trying to “fix everything”.  Sometimes our spouses want us to just listen and be supportive……and not turn into Mr. Fix it.  The same is said about “correcting” them.  My job as Husband is not to “correct my wife”.  The children are a different story, however.

 

So as we launch into the last 2 weeks of these couples evenings, I have to ask myself if it has been helpful or not.  As I said, I got a ton out of the movie.  But the weekly couples meetings ………….not so much. 

 

Regardless, this will soon be over and March 14th is quickly approaching.  This is when I get to spend a full day with my wife at a Couples Seminar located at my old University. 

 

Will somebody please take me out of my misery, and just shoot me………..

 

-Al

 

Seven Things I Think I Think (vol 7)

 

1.      I think that the things I learn about other people never stop to surprise me.  Case in point?  Sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer served as a sniper in Israel during the 1940′s.  As a teenager, she was a member of the Israeli underground, and was considered an expert marksman and grenade thrower.
 

I wonder how she made the jump from this to sex therapist?  She must have had one heck of a career councilor.

 

2.      I think that having a family is a little like having a bowling alley in your head.  It doesn’t matter if the ball goes into the gutter, or hits all of the pins; each is associated with some degree of noise.

I never realized how loud a little girl could scream.  I didn’t have sister, so when Kelley was born I had a steep learning curve (which I’m still going through).  My 6 year old screams when she’s playing with her friends out of joy, she screams when she doesn’t get her way, and she screams just to scream at times (but she is growing out of that phase).
 

As I tell my friends, she has no OFF button. She’s always going 100 miles an hour, and usually the leader of the pack – for better or worse.  Her poor older brother doesn’t stand a chance when she is in room.  She always demands all the attention, and if allowed, will chatter on forever with relatives or family friends. 

           And I thought the boy would be the loud one…….

 

Despite the noise, I think having a daughter is an experience I wouldn’t have traded in for the world. It’s so much different that having a son.  I never thought that anyone could get me to play “tea” or dress up a doll until she came into the world.

 

So despite the noise and accompanying headaches, I think I bowled a strike. 

 

3.      The month of March marks the 10th anniversary of the tanker accident involving the Exxon Valdez, in Alaska’s Prince William Sound.  It is also the 20th anniversary of the partial core meltdown of a reactor at the Three Mile Island Nuclear Plant. 

I think I’m a little concerned about what horrific event will occur this March, to keep this trend going. Will it be a total meltdown of the financial markets, the bankruptcy of 1 or 2 of the American auto manufactures, or will the site Dad.Blogs go down again?

 

4.      This month also celebrates the 50th Anniversary of the Barbie Doll. To Celebrate, Delegate Jeff Eldridge wants to ban the sale of Barbie Dolls in the state of West Virginia.  Why? Because Barbie’s influence girls to place undue importance on physical beauty to the detriment of their intellectual or emotional development (his words – not mine). The bill is currently in the House Judiciary Committee.  http://www.wvpubcast.org/newsarticle.aspx?id=8458
 

Now…….. I’m not a big fan of Barbie Dolls. I do get his point to a certain degree. However, I think this is another case of our state representatives not staying focused on what’s important right now.  Did the residents of West Virginia elect this guy to worry about Barbie Dolls, or the state’s financial issues?

 

 

5.      To spank, or not so Spank. In a Research Paper by Burton White (PhD in Child Behavior), he states that in “The First Three Years of Life, There is no evidence that children who have been spanked when they are young become either aggressive older children or abusive parents”.      An article, found at   http://www.crosswalk.com/parenting/11599466/ , outlines this research and conflicting data as well.

 

I was raised by a fairly heavy handed father.  Both my brother and I grew up unscathed and as relatively normal adults.  Therefore, I have first had knowledge of one end of the spectrum. 

 

As you would guess, my wife grew up on the other end.  Our approach has been heavily tilted toward “time-outs” and taking away privileges.  When all else fails, a spanking is the next and last line of discipline.  And, as much as some of you may not like it, it works with our kids.

 

I think I would be interested to know what side of the spanking fence our bloggers fall on.

 

 

6.      They say that marriages are made in heaven.  Well, so is Thunder and Lightning.
 

I think I am very fortunate to have found a woman who shares my values, and continues to work to make our marriage strong.  That said, we run into rough patches like everyone else.
 

I think that after 12 years of marriage, I almost get it.  You enter marriage not for what you can get, but for what you can give.  That’s the meaning of real love in a relationship. 

 

I am not her husband so I can fix her problems, but so I can support her. This allows us to raise our children as a team.   It took me a long time to get that.

 

 I think that Peggy is definitely the Lightning which sets off my Thunder.

 

7.      You may have noticed that I really enjoy reading the blogs of people who are different than me.  I may not always agree, but it is endlessly interesting to me.  I came across a post this week, which really slapped me upside the head – — as in, I had no idea that this was an issue. 
 

I think you should take a moment today, and go to:  http://www.makesmewannaholler.com/2009/03/my-piano-keys-her-mom-is-not-white.html

 

I got an education from reading this, and the blog “Makes Me Wanna Holler” got a new fan. 

 

 

 

In think that’s it, for this volume of Seven Things I Think I Think.

 

 

 

Love and Marriage

Question:  If a man is talking to himself in the woods, and no woman hears him………is he still wrong?

In my house I’m the boss……my wife is just the decision maker. It’s clear to see this every day in our home.  The kids come to me with a question or complaint, and my wife can overrule my decision much like a head referee overrules a line judge in a tennis match.  You can argue if you want, but in the end the head referee makes the final call.

I don’t know how this happened.  It was so gradual I didn’t notice it until recently. 

All I know is that my marriage is the only place in my life that I can get overruled on a semi-consistent basis.  In my professional life, I may be asked if a different approach would be better; but I’m never overruled without warning or discussion.

At the Evil Empire (i.e. my company), I know my role and responsibilities.  It’s clear where the boundaries are, and what decisions I am authorized and unauthorized to make.  In my family life, it appears to be a moving target at times.  There are some decisions I make that my wife doesn’t hear about until later, and she’s OK with them.  Sometimes she overhears my response to the kids,  and lets it go.  And of course, there are those times when her voice is heard from the other room, overriding my decision.

 I don’t worry much about making a mistake with my decisions, as long as I’m consistant with discipline and praise for my kids.  My wife agonizies over many of the small (at least to me) issues / questions.  If she’s wrong, or things don’t work out, she is very hard on herself. 

For me, I always believed that a married man should quickly forget his mistakes; there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Groucho Marx once said, that “The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”  I definitely disagree with the “checkbook open” argument.  However, there is some small degree of truth to keeping silent and not correcting or disagreeing with your wife over every little thing.  As I have gotten older, I’ve slowly learned that my wife’s self worth is more important than me being “right”.

As silly as this may sound, I’ve been using a scale to determine if I should react to a comment from my wife that angers me or I disagree with.  The scale is 1-5, with 5 being the top of the volcano.  If her statement ranks as a 3 or less, I let it go.  If her comment ranks as a “4″, I make it a point to discuss it with her later in the day when I’m not upset or argumentative.  Believe me, waiting is not easy for me.

If her comment ranks as a 5, chances are I already blew it and said something I shouldn’t have.  But I’m working at it.

The point is, if I hold back my comment, I usually realize that it wasn’t a big deal anyway.  It helps me keep things in perspective.  In the past, I would jump in and let the world know if I felt a comment was unfair or incorrect. This, of course, never resulted in anything positive between my wife and I.

I have learned that in love and marriage, the best way to grow your marriage is to put your wife’s feelings and her self worth before your own.  This isn’t a wimpy decision.  In fact its hard to do, at least for me.  What I have found is that this makes for a much happier wife.  And after all, you know the old saying: “if Momma isn’t happy, the family isn’t happy”.

-Al